Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Girls should come with a carfax report
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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