hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
