his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
