my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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