i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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