So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
