Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
