I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
