You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
