glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
