Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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