I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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