I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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