just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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