That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
