I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
