Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
