also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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