After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
