they need to just BURY HIM!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize