Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
