Sponge bath it is.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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