Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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