The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Alive.
So much puke
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
