I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
