How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
