And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
