I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize