I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
As shirtless as possible
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
