I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
