she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I love having hate sex.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
