He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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