So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Randomize
