I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
