i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize