the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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