Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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