Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
