glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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