my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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