My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize