he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
