Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
