i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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