It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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