Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize