What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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