Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
