apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
