I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
