I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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