My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize