I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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