Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
