Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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