I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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