Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
