i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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