The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
