What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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