I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
