i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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