I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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