I wanna passion pit in your ass
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The power of my boobs compel you
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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