so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think people are normalizing furries
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
