is wine microwaveable?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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