dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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