sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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