um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
