Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
