glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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