found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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