I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think people are normalizing furries
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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